Health Column
by Sifu (Dr.) Rikin Patel MD
Recently, I have been shifting into the emerging field known as lifestyle medicine. It encourages doctors to integrate coaching skills rather than simply relying on medical expertise to help patients. At the core of coaching and teaching for that matter is the skill of listening. As a pediatrician, I have had plenty of opportunities to master this skill listening to parents, but I will admit that going into auto pilot and getting distracted still happens for a variety of reasons.
When we can listen intently research has shown that we can make the speaker feel heard and understood which in turn, creates safety, builds stronger relationships and more satisfying connections. Further, by listening well we can avoid conflicts and misunderstandings and it saves us our most valuable resource: TIME.
We are very fortunate that just by being a martial artist and training at WKFA we have a chance to cultivate this skill at each class.
First, at the beginning of each class we have an opportunity to listen to ourselves when we meditate. When Shaolin monk, Shifu Yuan Jing came to teach us Qi Gong in 2020, he said something profound, “you can’t catch your mind but you can catch your breath.” When you meditate focus on listening to the sound your breath – inhale and exhale. It’s simple but not always easy.
Second, is listening to others which we are more acquainted with. We have an incredible opportunity be a better martial artist and impact everyone around us when we practice these key active listening skills:
- Pay attention and focus fully on the speaker: naturally, this opportunity arises at the beginning, middle and end of each class as we follow the teacher’s instructions. We zone out at times because it takes effort to sustain attention but like any muscle, come prepared to flex and grow your listening ability.
- Show interest: body language is EVERYTHING even when its simply standing tall, nodding, stern face or smiling when appropriate. Remember as we say in gradings, our body language communicates our spirit and shows we are listening.
- Don’t interrupt: this one is much easier in the kwoon than outside. Remember we typically speak at 125-150 word/min but the human brain can comprehend at 600 words/min and this is why we get distracted so easily and potentially cut people off. Try jotting notes of your thoughts while you wait your turn. Consider changing your goal for the conversation from speaking to listening. As the saying goes, we have two ears and one mouth so we should try listening in that ratio as well.
- Avoid seeming judgmental: you don’t have to like or agree with everyone’s ideas but you have to withhold blame and criticism to fully understand someone. Cultivating respect as we are encouraged to do helps combat this tendency.
Listening is the unheralded skill in communication and for martial artists has the potential of being our unspoken superpower both inside and outside the kwoon.